Why Lie???

How should I respond when my preschooler tells a bald-faced lie?

Expert Answers

Pearl Simmons, communications and community education specialist

It's natural to get upset when you catch your preschooler lying, and you may worry that it reflects badly on you. Rest assured, though, that it's developmentally normal for a preschooler to lie or make up stories from time to time, and that other parents share the same experience. So don't get into a struggle over your youngster's truthfulness just yet.

Let's say you saw your preschooler spill his juice, but he claims, "I didn't do it!" A child this age naturally wishes he hadn't made a mess, and he doesn't want to get in trouble. Don't focus on the fact that he's lying when he denies responsibility. Instead, focus on solving the problem at hand. Give him a paper towel and say, "Let's clean up the juice." This way, you avoid getting into a battle about who spilled the juice, and you turn your child's attention toward the issue of getting the mess cleaned up.

If he does something wrong and then actually admits it, on the other hand, be sure to praise him for being honest in a difficult situation. This is an important tactic, because it encourages him to keep telling the truth in the future.

You may also think that it's lying when your child makes up stories that obviously aren't true. He might declare, for instance, "I saw an elephant at preschool today, a real one!" Unless he's making up hurtful stories about others, this shouldn't be considered lying. In fact, it's wise to encourage your preschooler's imagination by asking him to give you more details. You can even sit down together and have him draw pictures to illustrate his tall tale.

To discourage less-innocent lies in the future, though, start talking about why lies are bad. When you catch your preschooler lying, explain why a lie is hurtful and how it breaks down trust. Keep in mind that you won't have much of a dialogue with a preschooler — you'll be doing most of the talking — but it's good to get into the habit of discussing these issues anyway. And of course, the best way to teach your preschooler honesty is to be honest yourself.

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